ASSERTYVE.ORG

The Misconception of Assertiveness in the Workplace

Being assertive at work is often seen as a desirable trait, associated with confidence, leadership, and career success. However, the reality is that being too assertive can actually get you fired. Yes, you read that right! In this article, we’ll explore the reasons why being overly assertive can be a career killer and what you can do to strike the right balance.

The Fine Line Between Assertiveness and Aggression

Many people confuse assertiveness with aggression. While assertiveness is about standing up for oneself and expressing one’s needs and wants in a clear and respectful manner, aggression is about dominating and intimidating others. The problem is that assertiveness can quickly turn into aggression if not managed properly. When you’re too assertive, you may come across as pushy, bossy, or even bullying. This can lead to conflicts with colleagues, damage to relationships, and ultimately, termination.

For instance, let’s say you’re in a meeting and you strongly disagree with a proposal. An assertive response would be to express your concerns in a clear and respectful manner, such as, “I understand where you’re coming from, but I have some reservations about this proposal. Have we considered the potential risks and consequences?” On the other hand, an aggressive response would be to shout down the proposer, belittle their idea, or make a personal attack. The former approach is likely to be well-received, while the latter will likely get you into trouble.

The Cultural Factor: When Assertiveness is Seen as a Threat

In some cultures, assertiveness is seen as a threat to authority or tradition. For example, in some Asian cultures, assertiveness is associated with disrespect for elders or authority figures. In these cultures, being too assertive can be seen as challenging the status quo or questioning the wisdom of those in power. This can lead to social ostracism, loss of face, or even termination.

Similarly, in some industries or organizations, assertiveness is seen as a challenge to the existing power structure. For instance, in a male-dominated industry, a female employee who is too assertive may be seen as a threat to the established order. In these cases, being too assertive can be a career-limiting move.

The Communication Style: When Assertiveness is Misinterpreted

The way you communicate can also impact how your assertiveness is perceived. For example, if you have a direct and blunt communication style, you may come across as abrasive or aggressive, even if you’re just trying to be assertive. This can be particularly problematic if you’re working with people from different cultural backgrounds or communication styles.

On the other hand, if you’re too passive or indirect in your communication, your assertiveness may be misinterpreted as weakness or lack of confidence. This can lead to others taking advantage of you or not taking your concerns seriously.

The Power Dynamics: When Assertiveness is Seen as a Challenge to Authority

In many organizations, assertiveness is seen as a challenge to authority or power. If you’re too assertive, you may be seen as a threat to your manager’s or supervisor’s authority. This can lead to conflicts, disciplinary actions, or even termination.

For instance, let’s say you’re a junior employee who has a great idea for improving a process. If you present your idea in a forceful or assertive manner, your manager may see it as a challenge to their authority or expertise. This can lead to defensiveness, criticism, or even rejection of your idea.

The Consequences of Being Too Assertive

So, what are the consequences of being too assertive at work? The most obvious consequence is termination or disciplinary action. However, there are other consequences as well, such as:

• Damage to relationships: Being too assertive can damage your relationships with colleagues, managers, and clients.
• Loss of credibility: If you’re too assertive, you may be seen as aggressive or pushy, which can damage your credibility and reputation.
• Burnout: Being too assertive can lead to burnout and exhaustion, particularly if you’re constantly fighting battles or pushing against resistance.
• Limited career opportunities: If you’re seen as too assertive, you may be passed over for promotions or opportunities, as managers may see you as a risk or a challenge to manage.

FAQ

What’s the difference between assertiveness and aggression?

Assertiveness is about standing up for oneself and expressing one’s needs and wants in a clear and respectful manner, while aggression is about dominating and intimidating others.

How can I avoid being too assertive at work?

To avoid being too assertive at work, focus on being clear and respectful in your communication, avoid dominating conversations, and be open to feedback and criticism.

Can being too assertive get me fired?

Yes, being too assertive can get you fired, particularly if it’s perceived as aggression, disrespect, or a challenge to authority.

How can I strike the right balance between assertiveness and respect?

To strike the right balance between assertiveness and respect, focus on being clear and direct in your communication, while also being open to feedback, criticism, and different perspectives.